Webs
I’m feeling tangled
Sad and angry
Confused
When did he turn into someone I don’t know?
I try to look at myself
How is this a message?
What needs to heal?
No, this is about him
What does he need to learn?
What meaning is he making?
Every thread I follow
Connects to another
There is no way to untangle this mess
We are connected yet separate
I want to believe him
I want to trust him
He is so good with words
He gets that from me
When did I lose him?
When did he start lying?
Why didn’t I notice?
Is it too late to trust?
Is it too late to know him?
Will I like who he is?
Is he kind, considerate, loving?
Does he follow through on what he says?
Not right now, No
I think he must be tangled in his own web
I think he must be trying to
Figure out a way through too
Life is not easy
Raising a teen is not easy
There is so much at stake
They are so vulnerable
Yet they are so fearless
It really is up to me to love and accept
Who he is?
Even when I don’t like it?
It is up to me to see past his mistakes
To the little boy
I’ve raised all these years
This tangled web is so knotted in places
With blame, shame and guilt
No wonder it feels so strong
It’s generations of wounding
It’s my lifetime of mistakes trying to correct themselves
So his lifetime can be better
How do I own my part?
And let the rest go
How do I let him make his own mistakes
Without shaming or guilting him
How do I love him unconditionally without getting hurt?
It feels impossible
These tangled webs
I keep searching for the answers
The one that will tell me what to do
The one that will free us both from pain
It doesn’t seem to exist
Life is full of both joy and pain
Questions without answers
We will remain a tangled web
Because I bore him
And he bore me
Without him I would not be who I am
Without me he would not be who he is
Good or bad
Happy or sad
We are forever
Tangled together
Me and my son
By, Robin White-Diamondstone 5.28.14